I've had two months away from school and all the shit and memories that go with that stupid, stupid place, and despite moving so far away from somewhere that i spent so much time in; i haven't moved at all.

If anything, i've become more confused, more disorganised and i sometimes feel that i have no meaning or purpose in life. I know this is probably not the case, but my world has been so blinkered recently, so i cannot see all that goes on in the environment around me and i lose touch with all that i hold or once held dear.

So many people recently have been distant for so many reasons. whether it be physical miles which prevent them from being close to me, or whether it is an emotional and social barrier that we both must find a way to overcome. These special people whom i miss so much, i hold in my heart, always, but i still feel so empty.

My world seems to be crashing down around me because i am moving nowhere, and i know it is nobody's fault but my own, but i don't yet see a way out. As i always have done, i go on.

Before i leave, my final thought is focused on words. I know the words i want to say, and who i want to say them to, she probably knows who she is because she means so much to me and knows so many of my troubles. It doesn't make any of this easier in the slightest. I tried to hint subtly in an e-mail, tried to be elegant and poignant in my grammer and discourse, but i can see that the message was lost.

The words i am trying to say are so muddled and trapped within me. They are being restrained by the emotional barriers that i have built up for so long, teaching myself to keep it from the world and appear to others, only from behind a mask of hope and dignity.

Perhaps the message will get through before long, before it is too late. Until then, i remain doubtful; for a pessimist, i'm pretty optimistic as things go...